It is 2am September 14, 2010 and I am still awake. I keep trying to close my eyes to sleep and I hear his voice as though he is in this room. Leo is sleeping next to me. I try again and hear him more and feel his big sweaty hand on me as i drift off. I jump awake. Why must he still terrorize me this way. Why must can’t my Mom stop this. She comes to me in dreams so why cant she come protect me now and make me feel safe now. This is so not fair. I don’t ask for much. I don’t even ask for him to pay. I don’t even ask to be ever healed from the things he did to me. I just want my Mother back. For a day, an hour, 5 minutes even. To make this all better. 
And Rose… Rose is going to go somewhere. Somehow she will be taken. Because i need her. She is going to be taken. In some manner. My brain is trying to wrap itself around the what if Rose goes away suddenly and permanently. I cannot. I have these dreams and wake sobbing shaking. Scared to death I am.
I am going to try to sleep again.
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